by Rebecca Upton
The healthism in our society made me ashamed of the amount of rest I need. According to Our Bodies Ourselves Today at Suffolk University, "Healthism, simply put, is a harmful overemphasis on keeping healthy. It is a way of thinking that sees health, the appearance of health, and healthy-seeming activities as morally superior. Health is believed to equal success in life, and ill-health is seen as a shameful sign of failure. Healthism pervades our society, and leads to discrimination and exclusion against people who are, or seem to be, unhealthy." In our society, resting or sitting is seen as unhealthy and morally inferior to standing, walking, exercising, and being active. For me, resting means sitting rather than standing. To our society, choosing sitting over standing means laziness and that we are somehow less valuable. I know it isn’t true that I have less value because of my need to sit down - but I had to fight like hell to unlearn the shame I was taught to feel.
Woman resting on the grass facing the camera.
Growing up with a chronic illness, I always seemed to need to rest more than my peers. I was usually okay sitting, but anything that involved standing or walking would require me to ask if I could sit down for a bit. While I do not vividly remember anyone reacting poorly to my request, I do vaguely remember it happening sometimes, even if it was just an eye roll. I have sometimes needed to rest so badly that I've sat down on floors and sidewalks when there were no other options. I have felt like I was slowing others down due to rest breaks I needed, and even though it was usually just my internalized ableism, the feeling of burdening others due to my need for rest was heavy and uncomfortable. At concerts, I used to push myself as much as I could, standing until my legs felt numb, until I realized seeing the artist doesn't matter to me as much as my own physical comfort. Now, I often take breaks sitting in whatever chairs or benches they have available, enjoying the music even if my view is obstructed.
So many settings felt like torture for me. Going on field trips was hard because I was expected to walk around with my classmates. Vacations were hard too because my body needed rest, but if I sat, I missed the attractions. In gym class, which I thankfully didn't have to have often, I was expected to stand the whole time with my classmates. Anytime I went out with friends, I was often finding excuses to sit and feeling very uncomfortable if I couldn't. It was the best when another person felt a little tired too and also needed to sit. If everyone has energy and wanted to stand, I felt left out.
My need for rest has shown me how little others prioritize it. When I worked at a library and at a clothing store in my early 20's, my bosses were very annoyed when I asked to sit while doing my job, even though they knew I had Fibromyalgia. Once when I went to vote and was waiting for the others I was with, I asked a woman if I could use a chair that she was standing next to, and she gave me a strange look, likely due to the fact that I don't look "disabled." I once had to awkwardly ask a small venue owner if he had any chairs I could sit in because none were put out.
It’s hard to know exactly why I need so much rest. What usually happens is this: I stand for a while, then my calves feel uncomfortable, and my body starts to feel too heavy, like I might collapse. I don’t know if this is due to my Fibromyalgia or my hypermobility that causes issues or my newly diagnosed POTS. I don’t know how much it matters what causes it as long as I get the message across that I need to sit down and people are willing to accommodate me if necessary.
Man sitting by a lake looking at the mountains
Humans should be okay with resting, with sitting down. It shouldn't be considered a shameful act tied to laziness. Some people pride themselves in their ability to constantly avoid resting or taking breaks to the point that it is actually detrimental to their health. Unfortunately, they will pay for this later if they aren't already. Everyone will need to slow down their pace someday. The sooner they can accept that rest is not the enemy, the better. Capitalism has brainwashed us into thinking that sitting down and rest are lazy, standing and constantly working are superior. In order to resist capitalism, we have to sit down more.
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On Healthism, Sitting, Rest, & Shame - by Rebecca Upton (substack.com)
